I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
