Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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