new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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