I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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