hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
