He passed out mid-signature
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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