well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
