i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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