Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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