do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
