Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
