He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Just high enough for therapy.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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