Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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