Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
