she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
