WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
