We won't sleep together?
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
