just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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