I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
