SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
