Grow some girl-balls and come out already
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
zippers are such a cool invention
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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