quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
