i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
