so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
