dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Please, let me fuck your mom
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
