How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
