Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
