Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize