Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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