Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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