Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
