Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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