Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
