I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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