I'm drive I can fine osifer
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
