is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
That reminds me...we need to get swords
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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