grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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