dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
