just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
