Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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