also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
