What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
