In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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