Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
you have to choose: penises or morals?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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