We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
