Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
