i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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