i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
