I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Terrible idea I love it
Randomize
