Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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