fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
