I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
