Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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