You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
we made out on top of his cat.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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