yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
