hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
