yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
