So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
