I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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