ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
