kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
