I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
