Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
