forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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