Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize