i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
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