So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
if i died would you start the facebook group?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize