Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Dick very happy bro
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
