I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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