I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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