I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
