some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
