If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
