my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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