you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
