marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Acid is not a monday night drug
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
