At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
