oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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