first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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